the fine things

12 August 2007@ 24 months

I bumped into a friend who thought I would never become a mother and that motherhood was not likely for!?  She asked this question, “Eeiii,! Are you doing OK? (while looking up & down!). Apparently, she has heard I now have a son.

This friend actually believed conceiving only happens in the 20s and that the moment you reach 35, your life is over! Not particularly wanting to be engaged in a deeper conversation, I simply replied, “good”, and asked to be excused for something urgent. It was a very brief ‘hi & bye’ thing.  Well, the truth is, I was also somewhat offended by the way she looked at me! 

Don’t we all have this type of friends who are just interested in knowing only a particular part of our life?  Dead interested and asked specific questions like, “Why aren’t you marreid yet?” or “you have been married for quite sometime so, why still no kids yet?” or “OMG you gained soo much weight” ( while checking you out up & down!). If a friend of the same wavelength asked ”how’s motherhood?”, I would probably drag that friend to Coffee Bean or something to have a long chat over a cup of Café Latte.

Answering this particular question, “How’s motherhood?” is not as easy to answer as some might think. There’s no short answer to it! There are days of frustration and of feeling helplessness, but I would not trade those moments in for anything in the world! One of the things I still struggle with is scheduling. Even if I made a schedule, it still doesn’t seem to work. It’s a real challenge planning on being somewhere on time. (Now that we have decided not take in any more live-in maid! ) Don’t ask me how many times have I been late for work!

I plan my own outings as in going to the hair salon, facial treatment appointments, etc around naptime, so spontaneity is almost out of the question. When I shop these days, I always tend to shop for two. There were times upon returning home only did I realized that my shopping bag was full of Ian’s stuff, instead of mine! The wonderful part is knowing it still puts a smile on my face; that I still find it amusing!.  I would say to Ian “You know what happened to Mommy today? bla bla bla….”  In return, he awards me with his cute chuckle and repeats the words he picks out of my blabberings!!  

Motherhood has taught me about loving life and appreciating the things I do and what surrounds me. I marvel at how Ian has changed the way I look at things. He has made me become the best I can.

Motherhood has taught me to live more in the present moment;to stop worrying so much about when the laundry could be done, when the floors could be vacuumed and mopped, or simply what housework gets done and what doesn’t! 

Motherhood has made me realize how self-centered we human beings can be.  Being a mother, I have to (I think I should be saying ”I want to set aside my own wants and needs at times, and focus totally on Ian. 

Yes, I still work. But I must admit I’m ‘professionally’ derailed by motherhood.  We had decided to send Ian to a child care center, but there were times (many, many times) while at work that I think about my son’s smell!  I have to use every ounce of my discipline to keep myself from running home or sneaking to the child care center just to make sure that my son is OK!!  I love motherhood.  Now that Ian is talking, I have never had so much fun talking to someone (sorry Dad!). What he says sometimes is a mystery, he has his own language of communication but that’s what makes it fun!  

I now have another friend for life :)

March Picture

I still go back home to peek on Ian during lunch time. Can’t believe I ve been doing this, I mean going back every single day, during lunch time for the past 4 months. Amazing how our lifestyle can be changed because of something who and which we strongly feel about.  

Ian turned 5 months about 2 weeks ago.  I have started working and I do find it still a bit of a struggle, for instance finding it difficult to leave the house when Im suppose to already leave, battling with the thoughts of ‘what if’, the feeling of uneasiness of having someone else take care of him, etc  YES, I feel restless sitting in the office, at times unable to pursue what Im suppose to.  I guess  new mothers feel like this?

But, motherhood so far has been great! I often woke up during the night just to smell that sweet newborn baby fragrance. I bet this is going to continue for a quite a while…  What I usually do is softly kiss Ian’s cheek or his forehead  (it;s a spontaneous reaction!).  The smell of ‘newness’ was so captivating…everytime! I just love the smell!

1 month old Ian  

I never knew anything or anyone could smell so new, pure and sweet. That perfect mixture of  sweetness, purity, milk, soft baby powder, taint baby soap fragrance, and THAT extremely strong smell of innocence!  Don’t babies just remind us of what sweetness really smells like?  

Picture taken when Ian was a month old too, with worn-out looking Mom! 

and this is Ian at 5 months, with Dad

Hey! I can already sit! See…